The 5 Pillars of UNDERSTANDING DIVORCE GRIEF
- DIVORCE is a Double DEATH.
Death of your marriage ~ And ~ death of your hopes and dreams. - It is normal for you to Grieve.
You have experienced 2 losses at once, so it is very normal for you to feel sad.
It is also normal for you to feel angry and /or guilty.
It is also normal for you to feel relieved. - Grief is like fingerprint.
Just like we all have different fingerprints, we all grieve differently.
Some of us grief for a month, some for a few years. Some of us feel a lot of anger, some feel a
sense of relieved and peace. There is no right or wrong way of grieving the death of your
marriage and dreams. What you feel at a given time is what is appropriate for you. - It’s a broken heart, Not a broken You.
Your heart might be broken, but You are Not broken.
There is nothing wrong with you. You are whole and you are a beautiful as you are; we all
are. And broken hearts, just like broken legs, can be healed fully with the appropriate tools,
skills, and support. - The Truth about Grief from Divorce:
Grief is like hot lava.
It will burn you from inside if you keep it in you. It will explode if we keep adding pressure to
it. It will seep out somewhere else if we try to push it away. We need to clean up this hot lava
of grief, and do so skillfully and knowledgeably so we don’t end up getting hurt more. You
want to clean up the grief in you so you can fully heal and have a beautiful life again.
Crying is a sign of strength and is good for healing.
When our hearts open, our tears flow. Your heart has been broken open and it is normal for
your tears to flow. And tear nourishes our heart like water to plant. It can be vulnerable to cry,
and to be willing to be vulnerable and feel the pain so you can heal it strength. Crying is not a
sign of weakness. Let’s allow your tear to flow and help your heart heal.
It’s NOT just another fish that you shouldn’t feel bad about.
Have you heard “there’s plenty of fish in the sea”? Putting on happy face and swiftly replacing
our ex with a new “fish” carries double damages. First, putting on happy face does not allow us
to be honest to ourselves and thus not able to fully heal ourselves. Secondly, we set up our new
relationship for failure by starting it on a still smoldering broken ground.
Time, busy-ness, alcohol, shopping…will not heal your grief.
Have you ever feel more in pain after going out with well-meaning friends? Have you ever feel
lonely in the midst of a lively party? This is because busy-ness, parties, chocolate are all ways
to temporarily push away our grief, to numb ourselves temporarily. Unfortunately, we often
feel worse afterward, because we just added time and pressure to our internal hot lava. And just
like a broken leg, time alone will not fully heal our broken heart. Receiving appropriate support
from caring skillful professionals and doing your part of the recovery are what would heal your
heart.
I am very sorry you are going through a divorce. I hope this article help you move through and beyond your
divorce with a little more ease. Please know that I am here for you and I wish you a smooth journey and fast
recovery to a joyful life. Please feel welcomed to contact me at any time if I may support you in any way.
From my heart to yours,
Birgitte Tan
Helping You Transform Your Tragedies into Great Success & Joyful Living
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Phone: 805 – 864 – 2002
Email: [email protected]
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